Should I have sex?
Having sex for the first time is a big decision and can be a huge emotional event. Before you have sex here are some things to ask yourself.
- Am I really ready to have sex?
- How am I going to feel about myself afterwards?
- How am I going to feel about my partner afterwards?
- Am I doing this for the right reasons?
Other things to think about before you have sex:
Ways to Avoid Sex
- Is this something I really want to do at this point in my life?
- Am I emotionally ready for all the feelings a sexual relationship brings up?
- What if I get pregnant? Am I ready to deal with that possibility?
- Am I ready to be responsible for birth control and preventing STDs?
- Am I being pressured into having sex even though it's not what I want to do?
- Is having sex OK with my values or am I going to feel bad afterwards?
If you decide not to have sex, don’t put yourself in a situation where it may happen. The human sex drive is strong, so here are some ways to avoid getting out-of-control:
Common Lines to Pressure you into sex
- Hang out with friends who believe it's OK to wait to have sex.
- Date several people and hang out with different groups of people.
- Go out with a group of friends rather than only your date.
- Be aware of common lines that someone may use to pressure you—and don’t fall for them.
- Have a plan for what you’ll say and do in case someone pressures you.
- Stick up for your friends if they are being pressured to have sex.
- Don’t get into heavy make out sessions – it will be hard to stop.
- If you are kissing, and you think things have gone too far, go do something else. Get up and go be around other people.
- Say "no" and mean "no" if that's how you feel.
- Don’t worry about hurting someone’s feelings. If your date really cares about you, they will respect your wishes.
- THINK of all that could happen – including an STD and pregnancy.
- Take care of yourself. Are you prepared with birth control and condoms?
- Always carry your cell phone or money for a cab in case you feel uncomfortable.
- Be ready to call your mom, dad or a friend to pick you up if you need to leave a date.
- Never feel obligated to "pay someone back" with sex in return for an expensive date or gift.
- Don’t drink or use drugs – you may end up doing things you would never do if you weren’t drinking.
Here are some lines people use to get sex. What would you say if someone tried one of these on you? Knowing what you’ll say ahead of time helps.
How To Say No To Sex
- Everybody’s doing it.
- Show me you love me.
- But, I LOVE you!
- Please let me share this with you.
- I’ll stop whenever you say.
- If you loved me, you’d prove it by doing it with me.
- I’ll break up with you if you don’t have sex with me.
- Nothing will happen. I promise.
- Sex isn’t a big deal.
- It’s OK, I’ve got a condom.
- What are you waiting for?
- You mean you’re still a virgin? What are you, a prude?
- I’ll love you forever.
- It will strengthen our relationship.
- No one will find out about this.
- But I’ve done it with everyone I’ve ever been in a relationship with.
- If you don’t have sex with me, I’ll find someone who will.
- I’ve been tested and I’m clean.
- C’mon don’t you find me attractive?
So what if things have gone a little too far? How do you say "NO" and let your partner know you mean it without making him so mad he stops liking you or spreads gossip to all your friends?
What to do:
- Don’t be a tease. Let your date know how you feel before you go too far.
- Be confident. Show you mean it and keep saying no till they get it. Make sure your body language is saying no too. Stand up straight and make eye contact.
- Don't be angry - be firm, move away, get up and do something so the mood changes.
- You don't have to explain, but you can give a reason if you want to – such as
- I've made up my mind to wait
- I'm not ready for this
- I don’t want to get involved